Another warm day but the cold hard reality that the big event holiday filled with excess and wishes is coming. Even as we grow, no one wants to say it, but people want to be surprised with that great gift of magnitude.
So, you cannot shop to buy something average. Thoughtfulness always counts.
Think when you receive a present from your aunt who you do not speak with often or live near, but somehow knew what you wanted and had a present waiting for you outside your door Christmas Day. Does not feel too great if you did not have a gift for her…
When shopping for gifts you remember, those feelings that motivate you can be strong.
But did you give yourself enough time?
Will you be able to get all your great ideas?
Can the bah humbug jump in at the first line that wraps around store hearing the little drummer boy for the 100th time (not the David Bowe version)?
Does that magic creep in and send you to candy cane, crinkled wrapping, bow wearing bliss?
Would this be the year your heart grows 5 times the size?
We will see and good morning Christmas.
How is it that roses bloom in the middle of December?
How is it today rains down like it should have in Spring?
An acquaintance told me when Hickory Nuts fall in abundance in his yard it will be a rough Winter. I believe they fell lite this year.
So maybe Winter hanging on so long last year will give us something shorter. Does it work that way?
Is the ice melting that fast at the poles and speeding up global warming?
Is the age of Aquarius really about the long cycle of the Earth with the seas rising?
I cannot say for certain I know the answers to these ideas, best for someone who rides closer to those indices.
I just know I saw a pink rose in bloom this December and today it is raining like those days we did not get in Spring after the thaw.
I am not sure I can learn from this or say I have a conclusion, let alone an answer. There are just sometimes things are strange and an anomaly is sometimes the best choice.
The day ends walking through the gleam of the light reflected from the puddles and it is something to remember. So let it rain in this unusual warm.
While outside these islands the sky shows through all the branches, there are still yellow and orange reminders that we have a few more days of Autumn left.
The cold climbs way up and falls back down days later. It has a direct correlation with the PI. The acceptance of the very cold is all I need, but when it dips back down it keeps me hanging on to past indicators. What a mess.
New horizons are coming. The plan was to get here. There will be more bountiful days coming up, a cornucopia of offerings five years in the making.
Did those five years go fast? Absolutely they did and no at the same time. I said to myself five years is a long time and I must not wish time away to get here. But time moves quickly anyway, regardless of whether or not you try to drive it. I wondered where I would be otherwise at this point and I could not say I knew how to fill in the blanks.
Put the pieces together and here I am two am a half months away. Still slowing down the countdown and still experiencing all possible in the turns of this journey. But it seems odd I am here, because what goals are there next.
I have not decided.
Nor do I want to right now, this was a lot of work.
I will keep holding on to the yellow and orange on the maple and oaks for as long as I can.
Shifting into a new perspective the wind still blows and changes what weather will pass by tomorrow.
The night still seems heavy like eyelids half open.
I write because I need to. Experience has not taught me how to feel this.
Nothing more natural than a cycle of life has occurred, but wanting to change it beats through my body.
Nothing occurred I would change, yet if it could be done better I would.
On the presipace of all things coming together, as life makes you look down to where the ascent leaves you, I am saddened by part of what was expected to follow, will not.
Short and well lived days pass, but conceptually hard to take when you know they can no longer occur.
I have dreamed, wished light on all shadows that needed sun and still these days exist.
The triumph in living, to find living in result of the quest does not always lead to a happy moment.
And in this moment, find acceptance that the moments that pass should be enjoyed to the fullest to remember.
So what a title ehh?
Nothing to say specifically.
I watched the peak of Autumn rise and fall in two days. The trees were bright and bold and the next day on the ground.
Sometimes you get to watch the pot boil. Most of the time things happen without observation. The proverbial tree falling with no one there.
I found out someone who I grately admire will be on the naughty list this year. All these things referenced had occurred after I was gone so I am not quite aware of the foundation laid on this, but it was naughty enough to not just accidently occur.
As we dive into our own index it can be easy to find danger and test it. But the main difference of testing the index is to perhaps fail by confronting a danger, not confront a danger that can potentially ruin all you have created. There are fine lines and sometimes it is gray. But usually your inner voice will let you know if there is real negativity in what you do. You cannot sleep at night, your mind wanders in conversation because of strong concerns and so on.
I am not saying do not confront danger, just enter knowing the other side will be all positive in the best way possible. Or go for it and enter knowing there could be mines ahead and accept what may be waiting for you on the other side.
Preach, preach, preach…
It is going to get Peligroso at times whether you like it or not so just be ready!
The vines have all reached their highest height. Some block fences, some have fruit and some have thorns. What happens next is they fall back to the earth after exhaustion. But it is amazing to see what they can do in such a short period of time. Some vines grow almost tree like and take a foothold for survival. How did we end up moving so fast that the vines cannot keep up with us? We had to or we would never be here. Plants were here long before us.
What direction will we go in for the future? We have become the plants until something is faster than us. Cement on the ground we walk on with buildings rising up towards the sky and dimming the stars at night. Are we imitating the stars light to make all bright and asking for attention? When will our ascent reach it’s pinnacle?
We are focusing on progress looking at white screens to help direct and imagine our future. To build. In our life cycle many rotations occur using dark and light as our timeline. The only true known God is the sun. Except we certainly know the sun exists. We now have more theories on how it works, how it was created and how it will eventually die. But we do not really know that much. We still cannot touch it. We cannot get tangibly close to it. We know it is too hot and we do not know how to protect ourselves. We do not know how plants can use the sun’s energy so efficiently while we suck things out of the ground for energy. But yet it is our constant that defines our lives whether we think of it or not.
The sun does give life to all creatures directly and indirectly to this planet. It did create us over time if you accept the idea we were not created by another God. Belief allows us to accept the earth will spin and where we stand will face the sun each day. So why do we move on to believe in something further we do not understand. Because we can imagine.
I began this thought yesterday on a three year celebration of two people who love each other. I was not thinking about the anniversary to write about because that is not really what the index is for. It is not pushing life to the limits to have a partner for three years. That has been done more times than I can fathom. But this is for me this is a first and special thing. And so on…
What ended up happening is that I found myself climbing down a fire escape through the grape vines that have over grown into it. I actually had to rip through them on the descent. Coincidence? Clairvoyance? Stupidity? The third may be the most accurate because we locked ourselves out on the roof.
The rest of life awaits to happen, be spoken about, memorized… Sometimes we end up getting tangled in thoughts to describe what we do not understand in anticipation of moving forward. Sometimes literally.
And then gravities descent. I am okay with that.
They grow until they do not, but will stay small if not given enough space to.
I can see that. And I read they do have memory.
The sound of a sewing machine. The movie playing. The hum of an air conditioner. The legs sore from action again. The white wine entering as the afternoon light shifts.
There are many “I will never” moments that have dissolved. The way a mind works so clearly when at the edge of adulthood seems so sure. The passing goes on and all the heart drives for gets stopped by the mind for reason.
At times we wonder why all has changed but it has crawled passed us like the turtle beating the hare. As I rest now I want to catch up. But I am not the hare. I want to learn the turtle.
Exiting into the sea of people, hit with bags, feet stepped on and looking oblivious. The one with the phone, the fingers that look like they are not paying attention. The words slowly carve that black shadow in the screen. I am looking at, I just want to get one last thought, one more detail on this before I enter silo of the day.
And I finish at night.
A date of birth. Another year.
The clock ticks for the man made hours, days that pass to get to 32. Mine are 35 close to 36. The celebration is for 32.
The cycle expands by generation, yet the hours and days stay the same.
47 is the street for exit.
32 is how many years I have known someone who has the same make up. Taller, smarter, grounded and all those descriptive words. June 4th is a good day. And comparing numbers in so many ways, it does not make sense. This day represents the number and time of a special existence.
At 8:40 tomorrow I will hit herald square at 34th. At 9 I will hit 47th.
Today at 2:30 today there was something better to remember to make me forget even where I am going.
Another one. Getting back in the office has a wall to it. You jump back over Monday and jump over it again at the end of the week. Sometimes on way is harder than the other. My favorite is the last day of the week when all feels spent and worn out to no energy. Then the day ends and you jump high over that wall and hit the ground running. But alas, it is Monday…